A Little Insanity
A Spin-off
~You Love ‘Em, You Hate ‘Em~
*Warning! The Characters May Be Completely Different!*
Fang sighed as he fixed the center piece on the dining room table. He was on the brink of exhaustion and he hadn’t even had to do that much this year. Yes, he supplied the house this year and the turkey, easy enough, but he didn’t realize that cleaning and decorating the entire house could take so much out of a man. The table was set for the adults and a smaller table was for the children. In only a few hours, more of less, the house would look worse that it would on a normal day. That’s right. The day of football, food, family and traditions…Thanksgiving.
As was mentioned before, this year the holiday was going to be spent at Fang’s recently bought home. He had just graduated from collage with a doctorate and already had a job as a doctor at the local hospital. A minor position, yes, but everyone has to start somewhere. As a family tradition there was a rotation on who would supply what. For example, the year before Fang supplied the cranberry sauce at his uncle Sage’s celebration. Two years before he was responsible for the mashed potatoes. This year the extended family was going to bring food to him.
The smell of turkey permeated through out the house. It was already in the oven almost an hour longer that it should have been but it still didn’t look all the way cooked. Fang mentally kicked himself for not putting it in the oven sooner like his uncle Undertaker had suggested. But it was too late now, the relatives were coming soon.
It was almost five-o-clock when Fang heard a knock on the door. After centering a tilted napkin, Fang walked to the door. He paused, took a deep breath and opened the door.
“Hey, Uncle Sage! Happy Thanksgiving!” Fang said.
Sage walked in in his usual business suit. He barely even glanced at Fang as he pushed a large yellow bowl of mashed potatoes in his hands. Sage walked into the home. Critical eyes glances at all the surfaces searching for any discrepancies.
“I see you haven’t screwed anything up,” Sage stated.
Fang’s shoulders dropped. As much as he loved his family, he just couldn’t stand them sometimes.
Sage looked at him, “Well, don’t just stand there! Put the potatoes on the stove!”
“Yes, sir,” Fang sighed.
He walked into the kitchen as there was another knock on the door. When Fang walked back to where his uncle stood, he expected to see someone else standing at the doorway but Sage hadn’t even touched the door knob. Sage stood at the foot of the stair case centering a slightly tilted picture frame. Fang went to get the door.
The two of the youngest members of the family, Arisa, age 10, and Blue, age 11, ran past Fang’s legs. Arisa in a pink dress did her best to out run Blue who was chasing her for his action figure. Fang’s brother, Shadow, and his wife, Raven, stood in front of him. Shadow looked embarrassed about their children’s rudeness while Raven simply stood silently holding two dishes in her arms: cranberry sauce and their signature gravy.
“Hey, Shadow,” Fang said, “It’s good to see you again. You too, Raven.”
“Likewise,” Raven stated. She walked in, her black boots clunking as she walked, “Hello, Sage.”
“Hello, Black Bird,” Sage said without even looking at her.
“How’s it going, Fang?” Shadow asked as he walked in.
“Everything is going well,” Fang said sarcastically, “Sage is here and the turkey isn’t done yet.”
Shadow laughed, “I’ll go see what I can do about the turkey. You’ll have to deal with Sage yourself.”
Fang smiled.
“Oh,” Shadow said, “I saw Alister and Zorah outside fighting again.”
With a sigh, Fang went out to make sure his brother and sister were still both alive. They fought more often than the sun rose. They used to live next to each other until a series of disturbances and police visits got them a restraining order from the court. They could only see each other at family events.
Fang looked outside. Zorah had a two pronged serving fork in her hand as she dangerously pointed it at Alister. A holiday salad lay in a nice bowl on the grass. Alister on the other hand held a rather strange salad utensil. It looked like a pair of rather large scissors but on the ends where the sharp points should have been was a spoon head and a large spork. He held it in front of himself in self defense. A long glass pan of baked ham was tucked under his arm. Fang cautiously stepped forward.
“Stay back, Fang! This man ‘ere is a thief! A tong thief! He took ‘em on purpose! As if I wouldn’t notice that this here prong wasn’t for my signature salad! Why I ought to…!” “Now, wait one bloody minute!” Alister interrupted, “Why in the world would I want this! I have no use what so ever for it!”
“A likely story you piece of—!”
“Now, now, you two!” Fang raised his voice, “It’s the holidays, can’t you two just get along once a year?”
“Sorry, I thought that day was for Christmas,” Alister looked at his sister, “Wasn't that day for Christmas?”
Zorah shrugged sympathetically to Fang, “Sorry, Love, but I ‘ave’t to agree with him. He’s right, Mate. Christmas is our truce day.”
Fang sighed, “Fine, then make it the second day of the year! Can you both do that?”
“I don’t know, Love,” Zorah said with regret in her voice, “You should have given us warning.”
Alister nodded, “A week would have been nice.”
“I haven’t even had breathing exercises yet.”
“But we could try.”
“That we could.”
“But there aren’t any promises we'll succeed.”
“That’s true,” Zorah glared at Alister, “He pulls somethin’ like this again and all bets are off!”
“Then you’d better watch the stuffing, Missy! Last year you nearly had the whole bowl!”
“Oh, yeah? I wonder where the rolls went? Oh, that’s right! You stuffed your face with them! I didn’t even get one by the time you had thirty!”
“Alright,” Fang shouted, “Starting now! Whoever is able to not cause trouble gets twenty bucks! Now hand each other those serving utensils and get into the house!”
Grudgingly both Zorah and Alister did as they were told. Fang was able to catch his breath when something caught his eye.
“Did I miss the brawl all ready? What a shame,” a voice said.
“Hello, Uncle Zero,” Fang said through clenched teeth. He looked around his Uncle, “You too, Rose.”
Rose, Zero’s son, held fruit salad and sweet yams in his arms. He barely gave Fang a glance before moving on to the house.
Zero patted Fang on the head, “I hope you didn’t screw up the turkey.”
One more figure came running from Zero’s car. The red headed girl named Flare ran after her father and brother. She held out a bowl of strawberry fluff. Flare smiled at Fang. She was about to wish her cousin a happy Thanksgiving greeting when her father called her at the door. With reluctance, Flare just bowed slightly and ran to answer her father’s biding. Exhausted and exasperated, Fang walked wearily back inside. When he finally made it inside, Fang was surprised to see another addition to the company that he hadn’t seen go through the door. His cousin twice removed on his father’s side Shifter was there chatting away with Sage, a glass of red wine in one hand. Shifter was the family detective. Fang walked up to him.
Sage was in the middle of spouting insults at the quirky detective when Fang interrupted.
“Oh, hey there cousin! The wine’s in the fridge. Don’t worry I brought soda for the kids too. So when do we eat?” Shifter went on cluelessly.
“When did you get here?” Fang asked.
“A few minutes ago,” Shifter shrugged, “Why?”
“How did you get in?” Fang pressed.
“I heard that that bird brain gave him a good ‘wack’ with that upper cut of hers when he crawled through the bathroom window,” Sage paused, “The one on the second floor.”
Fang sighed heavily.
“If you do that enough times you decrease your life expectancy, you know,” Sage said without feeling.
There was no moment unlike then where Fang saw himself strangling the life out of that man. But with amazing self-control, Fang refrained himself. He walked into the kitchen. Shadow was bringing out the turkey, a satisfied smile on his face.
“I hope you don’t mind I take credit do you? I really want to prove Sage and Zero that I know what I’m doing.”
Shadow laughed, “I don’t have a problem with that as long as you give me more of the leftovers tomorrow.” Shadow winked.
“Consider it done,” Fang had to smile.
He and Shadow had always been fairly close. Fang was much closer to Shadow than his other relatives or his other brothers and sister. The both of them carried the turkey out onto the dining room table where the other things that the relatives brought were placed neatly. For a moment, as he worked around the table with his brother, he was at ease. But the night was still young, and not all the relatives were there yet.
The doorbell. Fang ran to the door, realizing very quickly that no one else was going to get it. Several bags of peanuts were shoved in his Fang’s face.
“Here,” a dull voice said. The girl before him didn’t even look up from her blackberry thing and her fingers sped across the keys at blazing speeds.
“Peanuts?” Fang asked, “I think you were assigned chestnuts.”
“Whatever, they’re nuts, get over it,” she said.
“Now, now, Penelope, greet your cousin a happy Thanksgiving.”
“Sup, happy turkey day, gobble gobble, marry Xmas, what? What do you want me to say? Are you going to let us in?” Penelope walked past Fang, “Whatever, this is so lame.”
Undertaker, who stood behind her, smiled, “She’s quite the handful.”
“I’m sure it’s a phase,” Fang said, “Her parents did die about a year ago, didn't they?.”
“That they did,” for a moment Undertaker sounded somber but his attitude picked up again, “Reighn? Come on out. This is your cousin Fang. You remember Fang from last year, don't you?”
The little adopted boy stepped out from Undertaker’s shadow. He held a pan of rolls and another one for stuffing. The boy was a little older than six years of age. He smiled up at his cousin. Undertaker reached into his jacket and pulled out a bag of chestnuts.
“I told her she should have bought chestnuts,” Undertaker laughed, “But all she said was—”
“They’re both nuts.” the three people at the door said.
After that they couldn’t help but laugh. Fang was happy to see the younger boy was taking a liking to his adoptive father. The two were practically inseparable now.
“Hey, you’re Reighn, right?” Arisa called from under Fang’s legs. She was barely and inch from the boy’s face, “I’m Arisa, and that’s Blue! You’re playing with us! Come on, we’ll give that stuff to my dad. He always knows what to do with stuff like that.”
With a quick glance back at his own father, Reighn was dragged off with a petrified look on his face.
Undertaker simply mused at the sight, “This will be interesting. Happy Thanksgiving, Fang.”
“You too, Uncle,” Fang responded.
After Fang closed the door, he stood and looked in at all the conversations and personalities that were mixed in one room. He didn’t like all of them but they were family. You have to be able to at least tolerate family. There was one last knock on the door. Fang turned and opened it.
“Happy Thanksgiving!” squealed the overexcited Edonya. Another cousin and her boyfriend, Thae said in more calmly from behind a pile of pie boxes. And in between them was…
Fang stared at the man for a while. He thought he recognized the man form somewhere.
“We brought pie!” Edonya continued, “Apple pie, cherry pie, pecan pie, pumpkin pie, rhubarb pie, and some other pie that I can’t pronounce. I think it’s Indian. But it looked good so I bought it. Pie, pie, pie!” She skipped around happily.
“Who is that?” Fang pointed to the black man in between them.
“Tristan,” Edonya answered matter-of-factually.
“Who’s Tristan?”
“You know the corner of Main and Don?” Thae answered, “He found him there. In a box.”
“He had a sign and everything! He was so lonely! Oh, Fang, he has no home for the holidays! Please let him in! Please, please, please!!!!!”
Fang hesitated.
“We brought cornbread too!” Edonya added.
“Fine,” Fang sighed.
“Yay! We’ll need to use your bathroom, shampoo, conditioner, a suit that you aren’t using, socks, and shoes!”
“Is that all?” Fang asked his cousin.
“Oh, and an extra tooth brush,” Edonya jumped around like she needed to go to the bathroom with excitement.
Fang stepped aside. Thae handed his items to his girlfriend then took Tristan upstairs for a makeover. Edonya went around talking about her pies and how it was so hard and a hassle to buy them all in time.
After a few minutes, Fang was finally able to sit and watch part of the football game. Dinner was ready shortly after that and everyone gathered around the table. Since the dinner was at his home it was up to Fang to make a before dinner speech.
When everyone settled into their seat, Fang stood: "Thanksgiving is an important holiday in our family. Because no matter what when wrong throughout the year, we come to Thanksgiving and we temporarily forget the hardships of the year while we drown ourselves in gravy and cranberry sauce,” Fang glanced at Alister and Zorah, “Or not. But either way we all get together year after year. We may be at each other’s throats, or stabbing each other in the back but none of that matters during Thanksgiving. We all drop our grudges and for at least one day of the—”
“Two,” Alister muttered, holding up two fingers, “There’s Thanksgiving and Christmas/New Year. Two.”
“Whatever,” Penelope said as she punched away at her blackberry, “Just get it right, gawd.”
Fang sighed, “Fine, We all drop out grudges and for at least twice a year and get together for the family’s sake.”
“And the food,” Zorah muttered.
“And because we truly love each other as a family,” Fang continued.
“Yeah-no, it’s more the food,” Zorah insisted.
There were some mutters of agreement.
Zero laughed, “Just admit it kid, you aren’t cut out for being in the spot light.”
Fang sighed.
“One of these days you’ll drop dead in the middle of one of those,” Sage said as he sipped his wine.
“A speech?” Shifter asked.
“No, you idiot! A sigh!” Sage hit the man in the back of the head, “I’m surrounded by a bunch of incompetent people.”
The chatter grew louder and again Fang sighed. He raised his glass.
“To family,” he said.
“And Tristan!” Edonya said in a loud whisper.
Fang nodded to their unexpected guest, “And Tristan.”
The poor host downed his entire goblet as Alister kicked Zorah under the table. The three youngest children at the children’s table were throwing mashed potatoes at each other. Zero rubbed his temples trying to sooth a growing headache. Rose looked disgusted with the goings on while his sister, Flare, laughed at the hysterics. Undertaker was having himself a hearty laugh as well. Penelope rolled her eyes frequently while typing away on her phone, stopping temporarily to pop a peanut in her mouth. Thae seemed to shrink in his chair, hoping not to be unseen. Edonya, the sweet girl, tried to stop the madness. Tristan was helping himself to food already. Raven stood took her plate with food and walked away. Shadow managed a smile to Fang, but it was obvious he too was uncomfortable. Sifter complained to Sage why he had to hit him at the back of the head while Sage sat in his seat indifferent to the rest of the group.
Fang placed his empty cup down. He grabbed the wine bottle and looked inside. It was near full. He poured himself another glass, almost to the rim, and set the glass aside.
He raised the wine bottle, “To a messed up family who can’t make it through one dinner with out everything going wrong but can last the whole year without seeing each other. To a messed up family that loves each other in a hating way and hates each other in a loving way. To a messed up family who doesn’t listen, misunderstands, ignores, and yells. To a messed up family who hears what you have to say, understands everything, listens, and whispers. To a messed up family who has ups and downs, highs and lows, pros and cons. To a messed up family who isn’t perfect in any definition of the word. To a messed up family that you wake up thinking about and go to sleep dreaming about. To a messed up family that no matter how much you hate or love them, you love them more and more. To a messed up family where there are so many opposites that you can’t even count. To a messed up family with children or with none. To a messed up family with no home or live in a mansion. To a messed up family with power or with none. To big messed up families and to small ones, good and bad ones, and all the other messed up families out there.”
Fang drank straight from the bottle but he stopped mid sip as if he had forgotten to say something.
“And to Tristan.”
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
